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JELLYBRAIN
by Paul Raggity

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NUMBER 1
THE BBC to JOHN PEEL


THE BBC AND ITV…

Are the BBC and ITV going to give us our money back for the two copies of the TV guide which were totally useless after Lady Di died? Are they bollocks! They prefer to spend all our cash getting every sad pop star around to record a shit song, and show it after every programme. “It’s such a perfect day” indeed. Not with that twatting song stuck in your head it isn’t!

 RACISM
Now there’s a touchy subject. The problem being that human beings are all shit. In America a teenager is facing a 2 year jail sentence and $5,000 fine for having a party! His crime was, he was black and a 15 year old white girl went to the party. He is charged with “contributing to the delinquency of a minor”. Land of the free eh?

ISN’T OUR PRICE A GREAT SHOP?
The Oxfam charity shop has a better selection, and not for about £16 an album either. Rubbish!

SHOULD HUNTING BE BANNED?
Of course it shouldn’t. It’s an ancient tradition. What we should do however is change the rules. All red coat tally-ho bastards should be stripped naked and sent running through the fields, whilst being constantly whipped with split bamboo canes. If caught, they should be tied down and have their genitals bitten off by starving animals (of any kind). Of course many of them would probably like this, so then we would kick them repeatedly in the head until they die… Sounds fair enough to me!

250,000 RUSSIANS
250,000 Russians died after being made a canal in the 1930s. The canal turned out to be useless… So that’s were the DSS got their work scheme ideas from.

JOHN PEEL?
What the hell happened there? Once a pioneer in cool bands, the man’s now obsessed with dance stuff. Listening to his show for the first time in donkeys years, it sounded like the soundtrack to a Nintendo game… Shan’t bother again!


More BROWN EYE ON THE WORLD...
©JELLYBRAIN


NUMBER 1
THE BBC to JOHN PEEL
NUMBER 4
ABBREVIATIONS to REFORMING
NUMBER 7
NEVER MIND THE BOLLOCKS

 

 

 

 


NUMBER 2
CAR ADVERTS to COMPUTER ART
NUMBER 5
REMEMBER THE GOOD OLD DAYS
NUMBER 8
PLASTIC SURGERY CLINICS

 

 

 

 


NUMBER 3
TRIBUTE BANDS to FOOTBALL
NUMBER 6
I'VE SAID IT BEFORE...
NUMBER 9
©JELLYBRAIN

 

 

 

 


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