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JELLYBRAIN
by Paul Raggity

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© WWW.JELLYBRAIN.ORG


NUMBER 2
COMPUTER ART to CAR ADVERTS


OK… What am I gonna shake my stick of woe at this time I hear you ask nervously…

 COMPUTER ART…
Now there’s a contradiction in terms if ever there was one. Shaky little lines that look like a blind, epileptic spider has fallen in a bottle of Quink. It doesn’t have much to do with anything artistic. Sorry. May I suggest you put down your mouse and try using… Say, a pencil? Hmmm…?

If this sounds far to primitive for you, simply wrap it in foil, spray glitter on it and call it your cyber-writer.

HAVE YOU NOTICED ALL THE PUNK SONGS…
Have you noticed all the punk songs being used in TV advertising lately? It’s a far cry from shouting “The filth and the fury”, and leaping from your chair to kick your telly in, just ‘cos the Pistols were on eh? How long until housewives are tapping their knitting needles to Raped or the Snivelling Shits?

REALLY FAT PEOPLE
Why do really fat people always look at you as if you’re thinking “fat bastard”? Well, we’re not, you paranoid fat bastards.

THE NME AND MELODY MAKER
They’re a great read aren’t they? NO. Would it really hurt to donate a little space to smaller and unsigned bands? After all, they’re the bands that will be keeping them smarmy bastards in a job in a few years. Still, maybe it’s just me. Obviously people love reading the same old shit about the same old shit, week after week. If I see one more band with early 70s, council estate cloths and sideburns so hairy you’d get laughed at on the planet of the apes, I’m gonna sigh.

WHO’S THAT TWAT WHO PRESENTS MOVIEWATCH?
He’s a cunt alright. And why does he always say “the watch”? It ain’t my fucking watch mate, if it was you’d be sacked. TV presenters just don’t have a clue do they? Stop trying desperately to be hip and just present the damn programme will you…

CAR ADVERTS…
They’re shit aren’t they? Any smooth wanker that actually falls for that driving along a mountain pass with a sexy tart rubbish should be made to wear a suit, listen to queen and speak far too loudly into mobile phones in public… Oh! They already do, well, OK. Let’s just hit them repeatedly in the faces with their own shoes. Bastards!


More BROWN EYE ON THE WORLD...
©JELLYBRAIN


NUMBER 1
THE BBC to JOHN PEEL
NUMBER 4
ABBREVIATIONS to REFORMING
NUMBER 7
NEVER MIND THE BOLLOCKS

 

 


NUMBER 2
CAR ADVERTS to COMPUTER ART
NUMBER 5
REMEMBER THE GOOD OLD DAYS
NUMBER 8
PLASTIC SURGERY CLINICS

 

 


NUMBER 3
TRIBUTE BANDS to FOOTBALL
NUMBER 6
I'VE SAID IT BEFORE...
NUMBER 9
©JELLYBRAIN

 

 


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